From my journals

I wrote my first words in a real journal about 27 years ago and over the years I have filled pages of a variety of journals. That first journal was blue and more of a prayer journal, a guide on how to pray, than a spiral bound book filled with blank pages. I was in my twenties and had two children 23 months apart. A son and the a daughter. They were tow heads, with white blonde hair, true to their Dutch heritage. Our daughter, early on, idolized her big brother. By nine months she was walking to keep up with her older brother. My first entries in that journal were prayers to give me patience with a toddler who had hair like a dandelion, she had so much energy! I was a mom of an era who was told we could be Super Mom. Work full time, cook gourmet meals like Martha and be an amazing mom and wife. We could do it all.

Right around our daughter’s first birthday I found out I was pregnant with baby number three. The pages I filled were words of uncertainty, embarrassment for getting pregnant again so soon and pleas to God to give me strength…and sleep! Shortly after our daughter was born, a couple days shy of Christmas, my dad was admitted to the hospital. A new stage of life for us, caring for young children and watching parents face their mortality. During the next year our new baby girl and her grandfather developed a bond like no other.

The week our son started Kindergarten at the same Christian school where his dad was in the very first Kindergarten class, our fourth child was born. Our third daughter. My journals were collecting dust on the book shelves in our bedroom. Writing was a luxury, sleep was a necessity.

Over the years my journals became my safe place. Where I could plead to God, praise Him and pray for my family. So many of my writings are conversations with God. Thanking Him for His grace, His goodness and His providence. Some words I wrote were are so painful to go back and read that I cringe reading the words I wrote. Memories of some really hard times.

This blog has been in my heart for years. My prayer is that through the stories I share that God will be glorified and anyone who reads my words will be encouraged and know that God is sovereign.

Thank you for living in the present with me.

Hugs,

Audrey.